10,000 Phanphics Celebration!
by phanpiggy
Summary: As of now, there are 10,000 Phantom of the Opera phanphics! Just thought I'd post this little funny phanphic in celebration! Enjoy!


**READ THIS FIRST:**

**Okay, so guess what? This phic is the 10,000****th**** Phantom of the Opera phanphic to be posted! Though that's not including the phics posted under "Movies" or "Musicals"… So, in honor of this great accomplishment for phan-kind (which is totally different from mankind), I shall write 10,000 words on why the Phantom of the Opera just plain rocks… You know what? 10,000 words would be a bitch to write, so let's just go with 10,000 **_**letters/characters **_**instead! Oh, and guess what? I'm going to count the letters in this introductory paragraph as part of the grand total because I am very lazy! Here we go!**

Phantom of the Opera is the most phantastic, phenomenal, phamous, phascinating, phault-less, and phabulous (plus any other "ph" words) musical/book/movie ever—no arguments! Every note, every word, and every scene is wonderful! And we, as phangirls (and possibly a few phanboys), should don our half-masks, run outside, and scream with joy for all the Phantom-phanness we have created with 10,000 phics! Cause that's totally what I'm gonna do *sarcasm*… Though I totally do own a half-mask and tuxedo *not sarcasm, but creepy*… Well actually, you guys already know that I own a half-mask because my profile picture is of me in my mask… Don't I look good?

So many wonderful phics are out there just waiting to be read! Well, there's a lot of crap out there too but… Ya know what? If you really can't write or are just going to post a bunch of E/R slash, please spare us all and just keep your stories to yourself… Seriously, all you E/R slashers out there, just stop it—Raoul and Erik are NEVER gonna have sex or make-out or whatever you guys are phantasizing about. It's not gonna happen… Anyway, there are a lot of great authors and amazing stories out there! Whether you want fluff or drama or naughty, X-rated phics, you'll find 'em! You know why? Because there are freaking 10,000 phics to choose from! Awwww, yeah!

A lot of phanphics must mean that there are a lot of phans out there… Together, we could take over the universe! MWAHAHA! Who's with me? No one? Fine, be that way! I don't need you!

So, because I'm just trying to make it to 10,000 letters here, I'm going to write a little something about each of the beloved characters!

**Erik** (AKA The Phantom of the Opera, the Angel of Music, OG, the Opera Ghost, the Trapdoor-Lover, the Living Corpse, the Devil's Child, the Angel of Death, the Voice, the Dude Who Has Too Many Nick-Names, and the Person That Christine Should Have Chose): So, of course, Erik is obviously the bomb and the most beloved character. We all would like to sleep with him—even the phanboys do. Sadly, Erik is not for sale because he only loves Christine… Though the main problem is that he's a fictional character… What a pity… But that doesn't stop us from loving him! Who doesn't find musical geniuses sexy? Plus, he wears a tux and a half-mask and a sexy cloak! What more could you ask for? But there is more to love about him! He has an underground lair, he can sing like an angel, he is mysterious, he is sexily deformed, he's romantic and seductive, he has a boat/gondola, and offers free vocal lessons (but only if your name is Christine Daae… Dang, I wish I had free voice lessons… My teacher charges me $120 a month!)… We all love you to bits, Erik!

**Christine Daae:** The lucky girl who gets to be the object of Erik's affection. Isn't she wonderfully Swedish? Who doesn't love the Swedish? After all, they have those tasty gummy fish! Aside from her Swedish-ness, Christine has many other endearing qualities. She's very sweet, innocent, compassionate, and is a saint when compared to Carlotta… Despite her idiot decision to not stay with Erik, she's a great kid and ya gotta love her!

**Raoul de Chagny** (AKA the Fop): Oh Raoul, how I want to kick you where it hurts! As much as I hate to admit it though, Raoul surprisingly does have some good qualities. All-in-all, he's a good guy—even if he is a pushy aristocrat sometimes. Plus, he's so fun to hate! And let's face it, my fellow Raoul-bashers, we need the fop in the story. I mean, without Raoul, there wouldn't be any dramatic love triangle, would there?

**Madame Giry:** I'm sure she'd whack me with her cane if I didn't write nice things about her, so… She's a very sensible woman who possesses a thwacking people with cane… And for a woman in the 1800s, I must say, she has balls. You don't mess with Madame Giry.

**Meg Giry:** She is very BLONDE. Her hair is like the opposite of brunette. It is blonde with blonde, blondeness. She is most definitely blonde. But you know what she definitely is NOT? She is NOT Erik's daughter, for crying out loud! Honestly, Erik did NOT sleep with Madame Giry! But nevertheless, Blondie is a lovable character despite her irritating, squeaky soprano. She can dance beautifully and scream like a banshee. Seriously, have you listened to the original cast recording? Meg's scream is like a siren going off! It's impressively obnoxious!

**Carlotta: **Don't we all have Carlottas in our lives? That one really annoying, nasty bitch who you wish would just spontaneously combust into a million bite-sized bits? Aside from her bitchiness, horrible voice, and inability to act, there is one trait which makes Carlotta a particular nuisance… She's Italian. You can tolerate a bitchy woman, but a bitchy _Italian _woman is just a nightmare! You still gotta love her as a character though—she makes the show funny! (PS I am in no way prejudice against Italians. So if you are Italian, please don't come and beat me senseless—I bruise easily and will cry like a baby if you hurt me!)

**Piangi:** Do you not feel sorry for this poor, fat man? I mean, he puts up with Carlotta everyday! He was probably grateful when Erik killed him! Choosing between death and a life with Carlotta, death seems like the best way to go!

**Andre and Firman: **I list these two together because they are practically interchangeable. They are always together—it's like they can't live without the other! Of course, we all agree that these two are total fools for not obeying OG… So, am I the only one thinking this, or does anyone else agree that Andre and Firman are probably more than just "business partners"? Would they not be adorable together?

**Joseph Buquet: **All I have to say is that you really should've held your tongue and kept your hand at the level of your eyes. You had it coming, dude. You had it coming…

Okay, now let's add in a couple of the book characters!

**The Persian **(AKA Nadir Khan if you've ever read Susan Kay's brilliant novel): Who doesn't love the Persian? Why did he get left out of the musical? Lord knows why! They could have at least had him in the background waving and screaming, "Hi, Mom!" Nadir is a pretty rockin' dude though. Through unnamed means, this man became friends with our Phantom (at least, in the book it isn't specified how they became friends… Perhaps they were drinking buddies!)… So how could we not love him when he was a friend to our poor, unhappy Erik?

**Count Philippe **(AKA Raoul's douchebag brother): Seriously, this dude just plain ticks me off. He's such a hypocrite! He's all up in Raoul's face about his crush on a chorus girl when he himself is infatuated with the prima ballerina, La Sorelli. Bloody hypocrite!

Ummmmm… So, what else will fill up 10,000 letters? How about a little bit about the songs?

**Think of Me:** There will never be a day when I won't think of you—except Saturdays—I'm busy thinking about someone else on Saturdays…

**Angel of Music: **Meg is totally thinking that Christine must be high… Honestly, what are you smoking, Christine? That's why Christine was hiding in her dressing room—so she could smoke pot!

**Phantom of the Opera: **Sing, my Angel! Geez, you could say "please"…

**Music of the Night: **Okay Erik, enough with the drawn-out, lovey-dovey showtune—just tell the girl that you want to get in her metaphorical pants…

**Stranger Than You Dreamt It: **Can you spell "emotional breakdown", kids? Just take a deep breath, Erik!

**Prima Donna: **Spare us all and please don't sing again…

**All I Ask of You: **Say you love me every waking moment—turn my head with talk of summertime. That's actually a lot to ask of someone…

**Masquerade: **Alright, we get it—you're having a Masquerade ball! How many more times must you say "Masquerade"? Oh, and are you really dumb enough to not suspect that the Phantom will crash the party?

**Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again: **Get over it already, kid. You're a big girl now…

**Past the Point of No Return: **Do you ever wonder what exactly the Phantom is hoping for in this scene? I mean, does he think they're gonna do it on stage or what?

Now let's take things back a step to kindergarten and do a Phantom of the Opera ABCs!

A is for Andrew Lloyd Webber! The old fart-he's just too British!

B is for Brightman as in Sarah Brightman (AKA the woman whose eyes look like they're about ready to fall out)! _Think of me, think of me fondly… _Oh crap, there goes my eyes rolling down the stage!

C is for Chandelier as in the big, freakin' chandelier that falls on the audience!

D is for Dolphins—which the Phantom _should_ have in his underground lake… Dolphins rock!

E is for Ever as in Forever, which is how long the show has lasted on Broadway!

F is for Fantôme—the French spelling of Phantom! See? Everything looks fancier in French! "Ou est les toilettes?" sounds a hell of a lot better than saying "Where's the crapper?"

G is for Garnier as in the Opera Garnier which I shall be visiting in a couple weeks! I could just about wet my pants! Gotta remember to pack some adult diapers… Just kidding, I have more bladder control than that!

H is for Have You Ever Seen a Better Musical?

I is for Ingénue as in what Carlotta calls Christine… I have no idea what this word means because in my many years of phandom, I have never bothered to look it up.

J is for Jam which goes great on toast! This is completely irrelevant to anything Phantom of the Opera, but I am very hungry, so…

K is for Kiss like the big smooch at the end *cue phangirls going "Awwwww"*

L is for Lotte as in Little Lotte which is a silly nickname.

M is for Mannequin like the one Erik has in his lair which he probably uses for… Ummm, just fill in the blanks…

N is for Notes because the Phantom sends out a hell of a lot of notes. Seriously, he must go through a ton of postage stamps!

O is for Opera House. Have you ever noticed that the Phantom of the Opera takes place in an opera house? OMG.

P is for… Ummm, I can't think of anything… Just kidding! P is for Phantom, duh…

Q is for… Uhhh… Gawd, I hate the letter Q! It's so useless! If anyone can think of a Phantom-related word or phrase that starts with Q, please tell me!

R is for Really Freakin' Curly Hair which Christine has (Man, these are getting uncreative).

S is for Soprano. Yup, that's the best I can think of… Or S is for Spork, which has no connection to Phantom, but is the love-child of a spoon and a fork…

T is for Tuxedoes which the Phantom always wears. Seriously, that man has no comfy clothes! Can you even picture Erik in sweatpants and a T-shirt?

U is for Ubaldo Piangi, Carlotta's bitch.

V is for Vampires which NONE of the POTO characters are! Seriously, I'd rather jump off a cliff than read another phanphic where Erik discovers he's a vampire or some crap like that… Damn you, Twilight fans! No offense though!

W is for WTF? Which is what I thought when I learned that Webber was making a sequel to POTO…

X is for Xtremely awesome. Enough said. And yes, I know that extremely is spelled with an E, all you grammar freaks out there.

Y is for Yes, you should review this fic. Yeah, I'm that desperate for reviews… It's sad…

Z is for Zzzzzz… Cause you are probably fast asleep at this point!

Congratulations if you actually read this whole thing—you are now done with this phic *applause*. Well, really it was more of a pointless rant, so guess what? You just wasted a good fifteen odd minutes of your time reading this! So turn off your computer and go do something else! Seriously, go do something else, you lazy bum, you're wasting precious time reading this… Get lost!

This was really a pain in the arse to write… 10,000 letters is a lot more than I thought it would be…


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